* A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re
not here. So leave a message.

* Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent  the
money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial
aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money.  If you are my friends,
you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t  worry, I have  plenty of money.

* “Hi. Now you say something.”

* “Hi, I’m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk
to it instead. Wait for the beep.”

* “Hello. I am David’s answering machine. What are you?”

* “Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of
these magnets.”

* “Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not
need their picture taken. If you’re still with me,   leave your  name and
number and they will get back to you.”

* “This is not an answering machine -this is a telepathic
thought-recording device.  After the tone, think about your name, your
reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and   I’ll think
about returning your call.”

* “Hi. I am probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like.  Leave
me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.”

* “Hi, this is George. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now.
Leave a message, and  then wait by your phone until I call you  back.”

* “If you are a burglar, then we’re probably at home cleaning our weapons
right now and can’t come to the phone. Otherwise, we   probably aren’t home
and it’s safe to leave us a message.”

* Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by   us.